More Preposterous Patent Pending Poppycock

Just a little Monday morning frivolity for you…

It’s bad enough that L’Oreal just assumed that women would buy their cosmetics because of Patent Pending stamp (they won’t), but now I’m seeing those words virtually everywhere I look. It’s kind of like when you buy a new car and think you’re all that and a bag of chips because it’s not really a popular model, and then you look around and you see tons of them, and usually in cooler colors/trim lines than the one you bought.  Not that this just happened to me.  But whatever.

Officially, the term for that type of thing is the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon.  You’re welcome.  Unofficially, it’s called “people patent stupid stuff, and the USPTO lets them”.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart bought a puppy.  He’s a silver lab, and you can argue all you want that they are or are not an “official” breed but then you can go right ahead and stuff your arguments in a sack, Mister, because I don’t give a rat’s.  Robert DeNiro is awesome and I love him.  He has two sets of identical plumbing (inside and out, which is super fun to explain to children as we walk him around the neighborhood), an extra vertebrae where his tail connects to his rumpus, and a head that is so huge it almost needs its own zip code.  He also has to wear diapers in the house as a result of some other anatomical malformations, and I’m totally fine with the extra $200/month expense because can you even believe how adorable this guy is??


Robert DeNiro, silver lab, at your service.

My fellow dog-lovers will understand that with the puppy comes all the puppy stuff, one item of which is a container to hold RobbieD’s dry food.  I bought this one from a company called Gamma2, and just this morning noticed something on the scoop that comes with it:

Scoop copy

What you are seeing here is a measuring cup with a handle.  How, on any planet anywhere, is that patentable?  You can’t throw a dead cat without hitting something similar-looking.  I mean, honestly.

Besides which, dog owners care less about patent pending food scoops than women care about patent pending cosmetics because all we really care about is “will it make me look younger?”, yes or no?  That’s not women-bashing is it because OMG do I not want to get on the bad side of either Katy Perry or Taylor Swift.  But seriously…I have a dog, I feed it.  Why does it need a patented scoop from which to have its food dispensed?

That’s right, it doesn’t.

Which proves unequivocally that the entire patent system is a mess and in need of serious fixing.

There.  I said it and I’m glad.


{All images mine.  For once.}






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