An Open Letter To Garth Brooks, Of Whom I Am No Longer A Fan

NPR:  Not patent related.

Dear Garth Brooks:

Do you know what year this is? I’ll tell you…it’s 2013. You put out your best life’s work in a format that, honestly, shouldn’t even exist anymore. The CD is the new 8-track, my friend.

But I fell for it and bought your new box set, braving Walmart on Black Friday to do so, mind you, because my husband dearly loves you (personally, I like your wife better because she can really cook and I know this because she comes on Food Network right after The Pioneer Woman and I’m way too lazy to change channels on Saturday mornings ) and that’s all he wanted for Christmas.

So I go to rip the CDs to my iTunes library because, referencing the first paragraph here, IT’S THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN and no one switches CDs anymore only it won’t work because of you and your completely idiotic and cut-off-your-nose-to-spite-your-face hatred of all things mp3 or mp4. You have blocked that process during the manufacturing of the CDs.


I hate you and all that you stand for and I hope that when you come back on tour no one goes because they have no free time to attend concerts WHAT WITH ALL THE SWITCHING OF CDS THEY’RE HAVING TO DO.



(I don’t really hate you but right now?  I totally really hate you.)

4 thoughts on “An Open Letter To Garth Brooks, Of Whom I Am No Longer A Fan

  1. I was able to load all of the Garth Brooks cds from the new box set onto my Itunes Library just fine. The only issue I had was none of the track information was there for some reason.

  2. What a muppet, I too had no issue converting the CD’s to digital format (other than the track names.)
    I posit that anyone with the slightest competence with technology would be able to achieve this.

    In closing, writer of this blog, I hate you, and everything YOU stand for, from the condescending waste of time nonsense of this post, to the way you say two thousand and thirteen… ITS Twenty-Thirteen.

    Back in the day were you giving out the year as Nineteen Thousand and Ninety-Nine??? Ill bet not… Dunbass !!!

    • Hi Stu!

      Let’s just get this first thing out of the way, shall we? Judging from your mention of the word “muppet”, I’ll guess you’re close to my age since they haven’t been referenced in common vernacular in forever and therefore I expect more of your spelling skills (hints: no capitalization necessary, and it’s an “m”, not an “n”). Besides which, that would be *Mrs*. Dunbass to you.

      I must posit that, despite my lack of ability to rip the Garth Brooks box set to my iTunes via my iMac, I am quite technologically advanced. I mean, I managed to both set my iPhone alarm all my myself last night, and then somehow, despite my perceived technological lacking, shut it off again this morning. That’s something, no? And for the record, I haz Teh Google and before I launched my little tirade of a post here, I did, in fact, check and see if I was the only one with this issue. I was not, according to the World Wide Interwebs, for several others had the same issue and one of *those* people posited the theory that Garth had altered the CDs in production to prevent anyone from turning his precious round shiny disks into something usable by those of us in the year TWO THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN.

      So, yes, I did that on purpose. You’ve correctly identified an inconsistency, in that I of course referred to years in the 1900’s as “Nineteen Seventy”, for example. But for some reason, the words “Twenty Thirteen” grate on me like when people say “expresso” instead of “espresso”. It makes my ears bleed. ?? No, I don’t know why. It’s one of those mysteries of my personality that they’re still studying. But kudos to you, my little muppet lover, for catching on and pointing it out. Gold star!

      I’m so sorry that you hate me, I really am. And at Christmastime too! 😦 I didn’t mean to engender such outrage. Hopefully, I will be able to do what you and Matt, the other commenter (who by the way was much nicer than you in that he called me neither a dunbass *nor* a dumbass) have been able to do and put all that awesome music on my husband’s iPhone so that he can zone out when the kids get to be too much. Which, if last night’s meltdowns over who’s sitting where and who gets the “good earphones” is any indication, will be as soon as we pull out of the driveway.

      In closing, Stu, I do hope that you have a very Merry Christmas and that in your stocking is a nice, shiny dictionary which you can use to look up the spelling of foul language so as not to leave yourself an easy mark for bloggers like myself.


      Steph, hoping there isn’t some Urban Dictionary definition of “muppet” of which I am unaware because man, that would be embarrassing.

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