Rosetta Stone For Patent Transactions: Unwired Planet Edition

OK, first of all, does Al Gore know about these guys?  I mean, Al invented the internet but these guys have evidently one-upped the former Veep by claiming thusly:

Unwired Planet invented the mobile internet

You can just take your piddly little Interwebs and go on home now, Al.

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“I’ll get you, my pretties. And your stupid patents, too!”

Unwired Planet is a patent troll former operating company that decided to start waging war with patents rather than make anything anymore because they could no longer compete.  They’re publicly traded, albeit with low prices and low volume.  Ericsson sold over 2,000 patents to them a while back, adding to their arsenal.  Never thought a company like Ericsson would wage a proxy war, but then I also never thought 80’s mall bangs would go out of style so what do I know?

Time to resurrect the Patent Troll Translator (PTT™) and go to work on their PR drivel, first from this article:

“We continue to aggressively pursue licensing opportunities while managing our operating costs,” said Eric Vetter, president and chief administrative officer of Unwired Planet. “We have created an optimized partnership with some of the leading intellectual property law firms to cost efficiently drive our patent protection initiatives.”

PTT™ says?:

“We continue to look for opportunities to troll companies using our crappy patents,” said Eric Vetter, president and chief enforcement of stupid patents officer of Unwired Planet.  “We have created a partnership with some leading intellectual law firms, ones that don’t mind being on the morally bankrupt side of this battle, to efficiently drive our patent extortion initiatives and line all of our pockets.”

Since PTT™ did such a good job there, I thought we’d run this link through as well:

“Square generates substantial revenues from mobile payment technology that relies on the intellectual property that Unwired Planet developed and patented many years ago. We are seeking reasonable compensation for continued use of this technology. While our first choice is to reach a licensing arrangement without litigation, we have determined that enforcement is necessary in this instance,” said Phil Vachon, chairman of Unwired Planet.

And again we hear from PTT™:

“Square generates substantial revenue and we don’t like that.  We think they need to share their hard-earned profits with us because we did something mobile payment-related a bazillion years ago and they have to pay up now, dammit.  We are seeking as much money as we can possibly get for continued use of technology that probably doesn’t even infringe because our patents are old and yucky.  While our first choice was to have them respond to threatening letters and phone calls, we have determined that they think we’re joking so we are taking it to the judge, beotchez.” said Phil Vachon, chairman of Unwired Planet, inventor of the mobile internet.

And there you have, the translated version of what Unwired Planet is really up to.  When will these folks learn that you can’t put lipstick on a pig and make it pretty?

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IPTT

{Fabulous Al Gore finger-pointing image found here.}

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One thought on “Rosetta Stone For Patent Transactions: Unwired Planet Edition

  1. Pingback: Panasonic Pulls An Ericsson, Sells Out To (Hybrid) Troll | IP Troll Tracker

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