Rosetta Stone for Patent Transactions: IP Nav Edition

My PTT™ (Patent Troll Translater) has been traditionally used for small snippet-like quotes, so  I thought it high time to try it out on something a little longer and perhaps more complex and see how things go.  Since we Rosetta Stoned Acacia Media last time, I figured we’d run ye olde IP Nav through this time.

Get your spurs and chaps, and saddle up for the ride into the great Wild Wild West that is one of the world’s most notorious patent trolls.

You would have thought they’d make it hard, but they laid out the perfect comments for this experiment right there on their website in the form of a link to their philosophy, which right off the bat takes liberties with so much.  Like the words “core” and “beliefs” and “philosophy”, to name a few.

Let’s take it paragraph by paragraph, shall we?

Numero Uno:

At IPNav, we’re driven by one thing: achieving our clients’ financial objectives.  If we think those objectives are unrealistic, we’ll turn down the engagement.  If we fail to achieve agreed-upon financial objectives, we expect to be terminated.  We thrive on being held accountable, and we don’t get paid until our clients make money.

{Sounds of PTT™ whirring in the background…}

At IPNav, we’re driven by one thing:  money.  If we think that objective is unreasonable, then we don’t want anything to do with you.  If we don’t meet our financial objective and have to drop you like a sack of concrete, then we drown ourselves in shots of the Grand Patron Platinum instead of  the Barrique de Ponciano Porfidio.

Numero Dos:

We believe that our clients’ interests are best served by a “litigation light” model:  we use our in-depth knowledge of IP licensing transactions to enable rational price discovery, leading to greater liquidity, faster transaction processing, and a more flexible engagement model.

{Sounds of PTT™ whirring in the background…}

We believe that our clients’ interests are best served by threatening long and expensive litigation against anyone who might remotely have heard of their patent and are in any way vulnerable to a shake down of epic proportions.  Using our in-depth knowledge of IP licensing transactions and how the US patent system favors those who can find and abuse loopholes in the law, we are able to discuss irrational license fees and get the supposed infringers to pay up very quickly.  We like to think this is a flexible engagement model in that we allow our targets to decide how badly their asses will get beaten, and how quickly.  We’re nice that way.

Number Tres, Their Approach:

  • Business driven, not litigation driven.  Because the patent system is based on patent holders being willing to go to court to enforce their rights, many patent monetization firms are litigation driven.  At IPNav we’re not afraid to litigate, and we work with first-rate patent litigators, but we’ve found that alternatives to litigation often produce better and faster results.
  • Client-centered.  We recognize that every client is unique, and we work with our clients to structure deals that make the most sense for them.  Our interests are aligned with our clients’ interests – we don’t get paid until our clients get paid.
  • Global.  With offices in the US, Europe, and Asia, we can offer clients up-to-date and in-depth knowledge of the global IP marketplace, and we can monetize in the most favorable jurisdictions.  With teams located in different time zones, our workday doesn’t stop when US business hours are over.  And our talent pool is global.
  • Results driven. Our record speaks for itself.  We achieve remarkable results for our clients.

{Sounds of PTT™ choking and trying to figure out how to parse bullet points…}

  • Litigation driven, totally litigation driven.  Because the patent system is based on patent holders being willing to go to court to enforce their rights, many patent monetization firms are litigation driven just like us.  At IPNav, we prefer to litigate, and we work with first-rate patent litigators, and we’ve found that alternatives to litigation are not nearly as much fun and don’t get us nearly as much press.
  • IP Nav-centered.  We recognize that every client is unique, and we work with our clients to structure deals that make the most sense for us.  Our interests are aligned with our objective to make as much money as we possibly can – we don’t get paid until our clients get paid, which is why we only take on clients that we know we can win on behalf of.
  • Omnipresent.  With offices in the US, Europe, and Asia, we can come after anyone, anywhere at any time.  With teams located in different time zones, our workday doesn’t stop when US business hours are over because if someone is awake anywhere in this world, we  can find a way to get their money.
  • Results driven. Our record speaks for itself: check your local police blotter for incidents of busted kneecaps in your area and see for yourself.

Whew.  I really thought those bullet points were going to be the killer for a second there, but we made it through.  While this effort involves the written rather than spoken word, you can rest assured that that most famous of rhetorical questions to ask yourself when vetting anything these guys put out there is wholly applicable:

How do you know a patent troll is lying?

It’s lips are moving.

Just sayin’,

IPTT

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